the stress test

oy. so much for getting back to writing everyday!

oh well, i do try.
anyway, i've now felt either stressed, tired, or dysthymic now for about 3 weeks. yikes. i actually didn't think it was 3 weeks long--but my husband told me he had been keeping track. (a whole other issue is why he didn't clue me in on this after a few days of it.....he's patient!)
i think anyone that works with people who've experienced significant trauma know how secondary trauma can affect the practitioner. being new to this field, however, it is not always easy for me to recognize when this is happening. AND, my poor husband and friends, not being in this field, have not a clue why i sometimes just get to feeling down.

it all comes back to self-care.....which is fitness for me. it's no coincidence that i embarked on some serious weight training after starting this job. i just got out of grad school, passed my licensure exam, and now.....feeling what it's like to be a counselor to refugee children full time. it's hard. i've wanted to do a blog for a long time about global crises, humanitarian aid and disasters, and trauma. until i get my stuff together though (meaning, get used to taking good care of myself first), i won't be doing that blog. this one is part of my self-care plan.

so, back to it. fitness. it's been a pretty good week. in a weird way, it was the first time i felt like the workouts were getting....not easy, but not impossible. up until this week, the workouts felt just about impossible. this week, i struggled to do that half crow push-ups, but like the scorpion ones week prior, i did as many good ones as i could. it's always ok when you do your best.

tomorrow is kickboxing AND i hope to write a better update about the week and my fitness gains. this week has started to feel like a turning point and i need to document it. like---hello! i can do 6 unassisted dips in the middle of a workout. i wonder how many i can do when i'm not tired now. perhaps i will need to implement the fitness test like in my college days......i'm sensing a midterm coming up.

day 13

oh jillian. you like to destroy my body. or, are you building it up again brick by brick. rather, muscle, tissue, muscle?

hmm...i do ponder this. i have been SO tired lately. part of that is my job. it's been stressing me out in ways that i find myself either eating lunch of the run, craving mad sugar stressed to the opposite end of wanting to sleep away the day. not good when this workout plan requires so much dedication to follow.

i'm getting better. i just need to sleep more. as my husband pointed out, i'm hitting the weights harder than i have in a few years. this requires more sleep. when i first starting training for the marathon, i was tired ALL THE TIME. well, especially after those saturday runs. i would schedule 1-2 hour naps after those runs. clear the calendar. i need a recovery nap.

naturally, it makes sense that i'm tired. my body is adjusting to ridiculous things like scorpion push-ups, weight circuits with ZERO breaks, incline sprints on the treadmill, and jumping squats (do til failure........i imagine if jillian were yelling in my ear, i could squeeze out a few more...but seriously, she already kills me enough)

i regret i never took my before photo. however, i've come to the conclusion that any photo of me from the past 2 years will be sufficient. i didn't even go to the beach last summer, so i'll just use something from maui to compare at the end of this. i'm not sure anything will be noticeable....which is why i have this blog. i need to track my strength gains here and reflect on them later.

so....it's hard on me right now. i CANNOT do all 20 scorpion push ups for the two sets. but, i CAN do 10 good ones each set and i think i just need to take what i can do well. i'm convinced these push-ups will show up again later in the 30 day plan. i'll compare it then.

OH. and announcement. to myself. ha.

i'm taking boxing classes starting March 30! there's a class for 2 days/wk for 90 minutes at the Park District here. It's 3/30- 6/3...and drumroll.....only $28! I can't believe it. let's face it--the class could totally blow, BUT i will still get to hit something afterwork. i fantasize about this. i want to be able to know i can throw a good punch if anyone ever were to mess with me. i often think about this as i walk home after work, angry at the injustices in the world, and in my encounters with interesting people that live in the Uptown neighborhood.

anyway...that's the update. i need to get back to writing on here everyday. it's so self-indulgent---in a way i desperately need.